What If This Strange Premise Happened To Montana Animals

Opening up in theaters across the country on February 24th is the exciting new movie called “Cocaine Bear” which is loosely “based on a true story.” The movie will also feature a Missoula-born actor Jesse Tyler Ferguson. The trailer was released a while ago, but we are now finally getting the chance to see the thriller on the big screen. Normally I don’t make predictions, but I think this movie may be the highest-grossing film in the history of cinema. 

The Official Trailer: Warning, bear violence, drugs and language

The premise is pretty simple: a black bear gets into a shipment of cocaine and goes on a killing spree. Knowing there's a Montana connection with one of the actors, I couldn’t help but wonder if this happened to animals in Montana, with the same situation, would they act the same way. 

Grizzly Bears: The Grizzly bear would be even more menacing and deadly than a black bear. The original premise would be increased by tenfold. 

Moose: A moose can run 35 miles per hour in the woods, quietly. They are also very good swimmers, there would be nowhere to run to get away from them.  

Rattlesnakes: Imagine one of these things on drugs, not only would they be able to move faster than normal, but they are also poisonous.  This is the stuff of my nightmares. 

Bison: Normally they are mellow and docile; until you get too close. Now imagine one of them on drugs. No tourist in Montana will be safe. 

Squirrels/Chipmunks: This would be chaos. They move so fast anyway, up your legs, down your shirt, in your hair. No thank you. 

Urban Deer: These would be the worst. Not only are the deer already on every street corner, but the last thing we would need would be for them to also be on drugs. The cities would be overrun with them. 

Any one of these scenarios in Montana would be enough to cause some sleepless nights. I am glad we will be able to see this play out on the big screen and not in our backyard.